NADI, Fiji Islands — “That’s Tom Hanks’ island, in ‘Cast Away’ the movie,” said the passenger sitting nearby, on the rear deck.

We’d seen him standing in line, a college kid in a red shirt, packing and repacking a knapsack while we waited to board the early morning ferry out of Viti Levu, largest of Fiji’s 330 islands. Leaning over the railing, he pointed at the horizon and a faint grey-green shape.

“Its real name is Modriki, and it’s small, just 100 acres,” he said. “But the beach is awesome. Tourists can’t wait to go.”

No surprise there. For most South Pacific travelers, nothing rivals Fiji’s sandy beaches, palm-shaded gardens, starry nights and Melanesian hospitality. We’d island-hopped over the years, tried a dozen different beach resorts, and liked most of them. Until 2019, when we joined a hiking group for a long look at the island’s mountains.

Finally last fall, with COVID in decline and Fiji open for tourists, we hopped a plane and headed back, this time for another look at what makes the country tick. Finding hotels wasn’t easy; Fiji is to Australians what Hawaii is to Americans. But we crossed our fingers, found five with rooms and struck gold at three places begging for a repeat visit.

The Fiji Orchid, a stately manor house near Viti Levu’s northwest shore and the former home of Hollywood actor Raymond Burr, star of the detective series “Perry Mason,” felt nothing like a hotel and everything like a home away from home. With an inviting living room and framed memorabilia, it beckoned at the end of a very long day.

Hotel Manager Deepika Dimlesh arranged an authentic Fijian dinner, and co-owner Gordon Leewie told tales of Fiji life in the early days. Though Nadi (NAN-dee) International Airport was 20 minutes away, our bure (BOO-ray, room, house), one of six in the lush tropical garden, was as quiet as a cemetery.

“We’ve had guests who stayed for weeks,” said Dimlesh at dinner. “One was even writing a book. But most are international travelers, businessmen flying through. We tell them, if you have a layover don’t try to sleep in the lounge. We’ll pick you up, you can use the pool, eat dinner or go to bed, and we’ll drive you back.”

Curious about Lautoka, Viti Levu’s second-largest town on the northwest shore, we hired tour guide and driver Kesho Goundar, who (like many Fijians) speaks Fijian, English and Hindi. Stopping at the town’s huge covered market, he bought a couple of kava “sticks,” the gifts we would need – for the chief – if we visited a village.

Then it was on to the Sabeto Mountains and the Garden of the Sleeping Giant. A popular park, it was founded by Burr, a worldwide orchid collector. Hundreds of orchids, planted along the trail to the summit, a huge head-like rock, are the highlight of a visit. And the adjacent forest — a tower of vines, shadowy branches and strange flowers — was a set waiting for a movie.

The next day we headed upcountry to Navala Village, the country’s last thatched village, driving past barnyards, gardens, sugar cane fields, villages, the occasional manufacturing plant and Methodist, Muslim, Sikh, Hindu and Catholic-oriented primary schools.

At first glance Navala looked empty, until guide Mark Navaroka came out to collect our $25 entrance fee and a kava stick for the chief.

Turning onto the Nausori Highland Road – not another car in sight – we lurched uphill over a rocky, pot-holed track for more than an hour, each hill steeper than the one before, until we rounded the top, a photographer’s delight. Finally, around the corner, we passed two hunters on horseback with rifles and dogs.

Moving to Viti Levu’s southwest corner, we checked into the Intercontinental Fiji Golf Resort & Spa, a 35-acre landscaped property on Natadola Bay. And instead of salesmen in suits, the hotel was as busy as a country club on a holiday weekend. Dads and kids played volleyball; moms worked out at a fitness center. We spotted kids racing hermit crabs, and others learning Fijian words and Polynesian dances. Menus at the hotel’s several restaurants listed continental and some Fijian dishes, and our favorite, the lively Toba Bar & Grill, took our order in five minutes and served the food in 10.

Coaxed into trying the Jet Ski “experience,” we flew over the waves, riding tandem behind two watersports guides. But the skis were trumped by the hotel’s Coral Planting project, headed by marine scientists Lawaci Koroyawa and Luke Romatanababa. Joining them in the water, we learned how to plant healthy corals onto damaged reefs.

Most memorable was the river cruise with Singatoka River Safari. Wide and long, the river winds through an endless valley, weaving past rocky hills, farms and meadows. Children splashed in it and men scrubbed their horses, waving as we passed. Pastoral and peaceful, it was a nod to an older century.

The 35-mile-long trip ended at a village, with a tour, lunch at the community center and a kava ceremony — shared cups – with the chief and town fathers. Kava is calming, some say. Just more weak tea, say others.

How many villages are there, we wondered. “Hundreds, but that’s not all,” said the hotel’s desk clerk. Each indigenous Fijian family belongs to a village that owns the land its on. It’s like a clan, she explained. And only indigenous Fijians can own land. So add all the villages and their land and it’s nearly 90% of the country. “The government makes Fiji’s laws, but the villages rule themselves. That’s why they’re important.”

As our last week approached, we took the ferry to Lomani Island Resort – yes, an adults-only beach resort – on Malolo Lailai island, a single hour’s ferry ride to the mainland and Nadi International Airport. You can stay overnight and still make it to the airport on time.

But it wasn’t the beach that earned the gold star. It was the charming cottages, each with a private yard and plunge pool. The smiling waiters and creative, chef-designed meals, served at candle-lit tables. The “double-X” swimming pool and the water sports center.

“It’s peaceful here,” said Shelley White, the general manager, when we met at the cocktail hour. “And quiet. But with Nadi next door, we stay busy with weddings and anniversaries, and lately, even business retreats. We can order everything we need and get it delivered the next day,” she said.

“Still, we love to have visitors like you, people who know this place and like it,” she added, with a puckish smile. “Let me know the next time you travel. I might decide to come along.”

If you go

Fiji Airways flies from Los Angeles, with Fijian attendants and quality service, and includes dinner, breakfast and snacks. Departures leave just before midnight and arrive at 5:30 a.m. Fiji Airways also flies from San Francisco and Honolulu.

Air New Zealand flies from Los Angeles, San Francisco and Honolulu

American Airlines flies from Los Angeles and San Francisco

United Airlines flies from Houston

Delta Airlines flies from Los Angeles and Seattle

©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

Leading vacation rental company Airbnb is updating its Extenuating Circumstances Policy, including renaming it the Major Disruptive Events Policy “to better reflect its purpose.” This will provide greater flexibility for travelers who may need to cancel their reservations when unforeseen circumstances, such as natural disasters, extreme weather events and government-imposed travel restrictions, affect their ability to complete their stay.

Under this updated cancellation policy, guests can cancel reservations and receive refunds in cases of “foreseeable weather events,” such as hurricanes, that would result in another covered event occurring, such as large-scale utility outages. According to Travel + Leisure, the policy already applies to other “unexpected major events,” such as declared public health emergencies, including epidemics, but excluding COVID-19. This revised policy, which will go into effect on June 6, overrides individual hosts’ own cancellation policies.

This updated policy also applies to mid-trip cancellations, making it so that travelers can receive refunds for the unused portion of their stays in the event of a covered cancellation.

However, it’s important to note that Airbnb’s policy does not cover all unforeseen incidents, such as injuries, illnesses or government-imposed requirements, like jury duty or court appearances.

“The changes to this policy, including its new name, were made to create clarity for our guests and Hosts, and ensure it’s meeting the diverse needs of our global community,” Juniper Downs, Airbnb’s Head of Community Policy, said in a statement. “Our aim was to clearly explain when the policy applies to a reservation, and to deliver fair and consistent outcomes for our users. These updates also bring the policy in line with industry standards.”

The introduction of this revised policy aligns with Airbnb’s recent efforts to bolster travelers’ confidence in booking home-share stays. For example, earlier this month, it banned indoor security cameras in its rental homes worldwide due to privacy concerns, and, in 2022, instituted a permanent ban on parties, a move which was initially instituted temporarily during the COVID-19 crisis.

Last year, to crack down on fraudulent listings, the company introduced a “verified” status and badge for its rentals in an effort to reassure customers that the specified property does actually exists at the address indicated and that the host is reliable.

In 2022, Airbnb also updated its policies and platform to provide greater pricing transparency, displaying total costs, including fees, in user searches and altering its algorithm to rank listings with the best total prices higher in the results. At the same time, Airbnb provided “guidance” to hosts, encouraging them to set only “reasonable” checkout requests and requiring them to be displayed in the listing.

“Guests should not have to do unreasonable checkout tasks such as stripping the beds, doing the laundry, or vacuuming when leaving their Airbnb,” the company wrote in a statement at the time. “But we think it’s reasonable to ask guests to turn off the lights, throw food in the trash, and lock the doors — just like they would when leaving their own home.”

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©2024 Northstar Travel Media, LLC. Visit at travelpulse.com. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

Like many women of her generation, the unnamed Japanese American writer at the center of Marie Mutsuki Mockett’s bold, erotic “The Tree Doctor,” finds herself in midlife, squarely ensconced in the sandwich generation. She’s burdened with the double-whammy of childcare and tending to an elderly parent while holding down a job, in this case as an adjunct lecturer.

At novel’s start, Mockett’s protagonist has flown from her home in Hong Kong for what was supposed to be a brief trip to northern California to help her widowed mother, who has dementia and needs to be placed in long-term care.

Then, the pandemic hits. All nonessential travel is banned; Hong Kong has imposed a strict quarantine for travelers. The woman is stranded in her childhood home, remotely teaching a class on Japanese aesthetics and trying to console her two children and husband through video chats.

This could have been a novel solely about the unfair amount of work that disproportionately fell upon many women during the pandemic, the care-giving while also doing economic labor. But Mockett has something far more sly in mind. And it’s not about learning how to bake sourdough bread, like so many pandemic-era memes aimed at women.

As she cares for her mother’s long-neglected garden, the woman calls on a man at the local nursery — known as “The Tree Doctor” — and one thing leads to another, as the saying goes. A torrid, graphic, no-holds barred affair ensues.

The woman isn’t going to leave her husband or children. She’s not looking for a replacement mate. She’s intellectually fulfilled by discussing the intricacies of “The Tale of Genji” with her bright college students. No, she’s in it for the sex, for re-discovering what her body needs after decades of putting herself dead last on the checklist of things to do.

Mockett is the author of four books, including novel “Picking Bones from Ash” and two works of nonfiction. Her prose is as lush as the garden in the woman’s Carmel home, as Mockett weaves together discussions of flora, dissections of passages from “Genji” and the woman’s memories of childhood trips to Japan with her mother.

The title character remains an archetype, an antidote to the life of self-sacrifice that has been unhealthy for the woman. He may be a fantasy of sorts, but it’s also unrealistic to expect women, particularly mothers, to fulfill everyone else’s needs but their own. As the woman notes, “Someone once said that for every baby a woman has, that’s two books she doesn’t write.”

“Tree Doctor” is a book that says that kind of sacrifice takes its toll.

The Tree Doctor

By: Marie Mutsuki Mockett.

Publisher: Graywolf, 256 pages, $17.

©2024 StarTribune. Visit at startribune.com. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

Here’s an easy and delicious way to flavor pork tenderloin. It’s a sweet and sour sauce made with apricot jam and apple cider vinegar, that adds a tangy flavor and takes only 2 to 3 minutes to make.

I thought barley would be a nice side dish but didn’t want to spend a lot of time or another pot to cook it. So, using quick-cooking barley, I made the barley and green beans in the microwave oven. It’s easier, minimizes cleanup and turns out the same as if made on the stove.

HELPFUL HINTS:

Any type of green vegetable such as broccoli florets or snow peas can be used instead of green beans.

Look for quick-cooking barley in the supermarket.

Orange marmalade can be used instead of apricot jam.

COUNTDOWN:

Prepare all ingredients.

Microwave green beans and barley.

While they cook, make pork.

SHOPPING LIST:

To buy: 3/4 pound pork tenderloin, 1 jar apricot jam, 1 bottle apple cider vinegar, 1 can olive oil spray, 1 jar Dijon mustard, 1 container fat-free chicken broth, 1 box quick cooking barley and 1/2 pound green beans,

Staples: olive oil, salt and black peppercorns,

Sweet and Tangy Sauced Pork Tenderloin

Recipe by Linda Gassenheimer

• 1/4 cup apricot jam
• 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
• 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
• 3/4 pound pork tenderloin
• Olive oil spay
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Mix apricot jam, apple cider vinegar and mustard together in a small bowl and set aside. Cut tenderloin into 1-inch slices and press with the back of a large spoon to about 1/2-inch thick. Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat and spray with olive oil spray. Add pork slices and saute 2 minutes turn over and saute 2 more minutes, A meat thermometer should read 145 degrees. Saute another minute or 2 if needed. Remove pork to two dinner plates and sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste. Add the sauce to skillet and stir until jam melts and sauce begins to thicken about 2 to 3 minutes. Spoon sauce over pork slices.

Yield 2 servings.

Per serving: 290 calories (12 percent from fat), 4.0 g fat (1.2 g saturated, 1.5 g monounsaturated), 108 mg cholesterol, 36.2 g protein, 26.3 g carbohydrates, 0.5 g fiber, 190 mg sodium.

Green Beans and Barley

Recipe by Linda Gassenheimer

• 1 cup fat-free, no-salt-added chicken broth
• 1/2 cup quick-cooking barley
• 1/2 pound green beans cut into 1 to 2-inch pieces
• 2 teaspoons olive oil
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Place chicken broth and quick cooking barley in a large microwave safe bowl. Cover the bowl with a plate or plastic wrap. Microwave on high for 5 minutes. Remove bowl from microwave and add the green beans. Cover with the plate and microwave 5 more minutes. Remove from the microwave and keep the cover on the bowl. While you make the pork. Add oil and salt and pepper to taste and serve with the pork.

Yield 2 servings,

Per serving: 256 calories (19 percent from fat), 5.3 g fat (0.8 g saturated, 2.3 g monounsaturated), no cholesterol, 8.0 g protein, 47.0 g carbohydrates, 10.9 g fiber, mg 29 sodium.

Stovetop method if preferred:

Bring broth to a boil in medium-size saucepan over high heat and add barley and green beans. Reduce heat to medium-high and simmer 10 minutes, uncovered. Drain and add oil, and salt and pepper to taste.

Yield 2 servings.

(Linda Gassenheimer is the author of over 30 cookbooks, including her newest, “The 12-Week Diabetes Cookbook.” Listen to Linda on www.WDNA.org and all major podcast sites. Email her at Linda@DinnerInMinutes.com.)

©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC

Anamaria Marinca has a knack for playing characters you’d want in your corner during a crisis. The Romanian actress, who starred in Cristian Mungiu’s harrowing abortion thriller “4 Months, 3 weeks and 2 Days,” is the eye of the storm in Goran Stolevski’s “Housekeeping for Beginners,” a riveting domestic drama that finds her similarly raging against the machine.

No one smokes a cigarette with such quietly harried intensity as Marinca, and there is no forgetting her glittering stare, both of which Stolevski utilizes to great effect. In his third feature in as many years —this one selected as the North Macedonian Oscar entry for best international film — the Macedonian Australian filmmaker plunges us into the swirling eddy of merry but harrowing chaos among an unusual family. The film is a showcase for the skill and screen presence of the criminally underrated Marinca, who stars as Dita, a lesbian social worker trying to hold together her tribe by sheer force of will, coaxing and cajoling the system in order to knit together her queer found family.

There’s a deeply humanist core to Stolevski’s work, which varies in genre and tone, but always captures the bittersweet beauty of life. He made his feature debut with “You Won’t Be Alone,” a life-affirming fairy tale in which Marinca co-starred as a grotesquely disfigured witch. His sophomore feature, “Of an Age” is a queer romance about two young men who connect in a Melbourne beach town.

We enter “Housekeeping for Beginners” with a burst of joyous song, as Ali (Samson Selim), Vanesa (Mia Mustafa) and Mia (Dzada Selim) dance and sing around a living room. Their carefree fun is quickly juxtaposed with a burst of rage, in a doctor’s office, as Suada (Alina Serban), with Dita by her side, explodes at a bored, negligent doctor. She’s furious at him for ignoring her and other patients who look like her — Roma. With these two scenes, Stolevski establishes the film’s message and tone, weaving together childlike play and mischief with the crushing reality of racial and sexual inequality.

Stolevski, who wrote, directed and edited the film, delivers the relevant story details in snippets of dialogue and visual asides snatched out of the river of familial hubbub that is captured with a roaming handheld cinematography by Naum Doksevski. Dita and Suada are partners, and Suada’s kids, Vanesa and Mia, live with them in Dita’s home. Their gay roommate, Toni (Vladimir Tintor) had Ali over for a hookup, but he’s so much fun he becomes one of the stray queer kids they collect, which also includes a trio of young lesbians (Sara Klimoska, Rozafa Celaj and Ajse Useini) who seek refuge in this “safe house.”

Suada has cancer, and knowing that her prognosis is terminal, she demands that Dita become the mother of her girls, in her final, fierce act to secure their future. She also requests that Dita give them Toni’s last name so that they might escape the discrimination she faced as a Roma woman. The girls need legal guardians, and that is how a stressed lesbian and grumpy gay man find themselves married. To each other.

Within its restless, naturalistic aesthetic, Stolevski crafts complex and poignant images, contrasting the play-acting the couple is forced to do with their searing gazes. At a parent-teacher conference, condolences are delivered to Toni, but the camera rests on the bereaved Dita’s face, unable to openly grieve the loss of her longtime partner. Their courthouse wedding is also a study in ironic double-meaning, as Ali sits next to his lover Toni, but only as a witness. At their raucous, booze-soaked celebration at home later, Ali thanks Dita for the opportunity to sit in front of the marriage registrar with the man he loves.

There’s no preciousness or over-explication about the sociopolitical and economic issues that shape their reality and make up the fabric of their lives: how they move in the world, the risks they take, the dreams they have. It is a quotidian kind of oppression, rendered here as a series of irritating clerical hoops, though the consequences of not jumping through them could be deadly.

While the subject matter is sobering, there is a dry humor at play, coupled with real warmth. Dzada Selim steals the movie as the precocious Mia, and if Dita is the spine of the family, Ali is the heart, his ability to connect proving valuable when Vanesa’s teenage rebellions spiral out of control.

Stolevski’s scripts always bear a line that pierces at the heart of life itself, and “Housekeeping for Beginners” is no exception. “It doesn’t go away, the needing,” Dita promises Vanesa, “even when you get old. It’s a nasty business.” It’s a beautifully, brutally apt way to describe a family, and the human condition, perfectly, concisely expressed in the way only Stolevski can.

———

‘HOUSEKEEPING FOR BEGINNERS’

(In Albanian, Macedonian and Romani with English subtitles)

4 stars (out of 4)

MPA rating: R (for sexual content, language throughout and some teen drinking)

Running time: 1:47

How to watch: In theaters Friday

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©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC

On Friday, April 5, the documentary “Girls State” premieres on Apple TV+, the much-anticipated sequel to the lauded 2020 documentary “Boys State,” also on Apple TV+. Directed by accomplished documentarians Jesse Moss and Amanda McBaine, the film takes an anthropological approach to studying the inner workings of the weeklong political camps for American high schoolers sponsored by the American Legion. During each session the teenagers are required to create a fully working government through a series of elections, a microcosm of our own system.

While structured in the same way, with fly-on-the-wall cameras following a select few students during their experience, “Girls State” is naturally a very different film. Filmed at a Missouri university just weeks before the Supreme Court’s Dobbs decision overturned Roe v. Wade, women’s rights and reproductive issues are a hot-button issue for the girls, among the other teenage troubles such as social anxieties, future worries and other personal issues that are thrown into stark relief in such a setting. But once again, it’s a fascinating documentary that argues that while the kids might be alright, there are certain aspects of the system that need an overhaul.

It’s yet another fascinating film from the duo of Moss and McBaine, who have collaborated on many documentaries, which intersect at the juncture of the political and personal.

Their most recent film was last year’s “The Mission,” a complicated portrait of the young American missionary John Chau, who was killed in 2018 when he attempted to make contact with the isolated Sentinelese tribe on North Sentinel Island. Using interviews with loved ones and John’s diaries and letters, the filmmakers offered a look at why Chau set out on such a dangerous trip, diving in headfirst to examine his complex motivation. Released by NatGeo, “The Mission” is streaming on Disney+ and Hulu.

McBaine has been a longtime producer for Moss, and before they collaborated as co-directors on “Boys State” and “The Mission,” she produced several films he directed including 2021’s “Mayor Pete,” a campaign trail doc about the presidential run of current Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg. Stream it on Prime Video.

Moss’ breakout documentary was the 2014 Sundance hit “The Overnighters” (also produced by McBaine), about a North Dakota pastor offering shelter in his church to nomadic workers arriving in his oil boomtown looking for work. Once again a complex portrait of a complicated person whose life reflected a specific political reality, “The Overnighters” is a moving, surprising film that captures this moment in time in such granular detail because Moss immersed himself in the culture of this town. Stream it on Kanopy or rent it elsewhere online.

Moss also directed all five episodes of the 2019 Netflix documentary miniseries “The Family,” following the work of journalist Jeff Sharlet, who has written about a secretive conservative Christian group known as “The Family” and their influence on American politics. It’s a chilling and sobering uncovering of one of the shadowy organizations that has an outsize influence on our country. He also directed an episode of the 2018 Netflix miniseries“Dirty Money,” which looks at scandal and corruption in business, with Moss’ episode (Season 1, Episode 2) examining payday lenders. Stream both on Netflix.

Moss has an upcoming film called “War Game” on the way, but check out “Girls State” and “Boys State” on Apple TV+, and the rest of he and McBaine’s political docs, covering a wide array of fascinating topics.

———

(Katie Walsh is the Tribune News Service film critic and co-host of the “Miami Nice” podcast.)

©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC

Adapted from Patricia Highsmith’s novel about con man Ripley (the out British stage and screen star Andrew Scott) who’s sent to Italy by well-meaning but tragically wrong parents to find what’s up with their son Dickie Greenleaf (Johnny Flynn).

In Naples Ripley meets Dickie and his girlfriend Marge Sherwood (Dakota Fanning). She seems to have gotten an upgrade from Gwyneth Paltrow’s one-dimensional Marge in the 1999 “The Talented Mr. Ripley” with Matt Damon’s Ripley.

Fanning’s Marge is much more complex — a writer, artist, photographer, author.

“I was thrilled to do a really deep dive into the character of Marge,” Fanning, 30, said in a Zoom interview. “When you have eight episodes to explore a story and characters, you get to go deeper and I was happy that that was what we were doing.

“I think that was what attracted Steve Zallian to writing, directing and adapting Patricia Highsmith’s novel. He wanted a lot of time with these characters. What I — right off the bat! — was attracted to is that the series is really written from Tom’s perspective.

“You meet Marge through Tom’s eyes. That meant, for better or for worse, there was a lot of freedom to figure out who Marge was. It was really important to me to fill in those blanks because everyone has their own reality in this series. Tom Ripley has his narrative and Marge has hers and it was modulating where those realities intersect and where they diverge.

“What’s really important,” Fanning added, “Marge is the only character that has Tom’s number from the beginning. She just doesn’t trust him from the moment she lays eyes on him.

“I liked getting to be somebody that was able to go toe-to-toe with Ripley. Marge and Tom have quite the dynamic and Andrew and I had so much fun exploring that.”

Highsmith debuted Ripley in 1955. The now-classic French version “Purple Noon” made Alain Delon an international star in 1960. Why our enduring fascination with this sociopath?

“People are fascinated with the character, for sure. There is something about Tom — he’s not a professional at this, he is messy at the end. But he’s very good at lying and being able to manipulate his way out of things.

“There’s something weirdly relatable about how he does it. You see the mistakes he makes. Sometimes the viewer feels like they’ve been almost complicit in what he does, because you’re not exactly sure whether you’re supposed to be rooting for or against him.

“But totally, a fascinating character.”

Netflix streams all 8 episodes of “Ripley” April 4

My question is, how are we supposed to work on our marriage with no contact? What am I supposed to do? I love her, but she’s avoiding me and everyone else, including her friends and family. All she wants to do is work and be alone in her apartment. — Lonely in the East

Dear Lonely: When you asked how your wife plans to work on your marriage if you aren’t seeing each other or communicating (or utilizing marriage counseling), you asked a pertinent question. She cannot have it both ways, nor does she seem open to repairing what drove her to leave your marriage.

Ask if she is interested in counseling. If she isn’t, PLEASE get a referral to a therapist for emotional support for yourself right now. If you do, you will more quickly be able to figure out what your next steps should be.

Dear Abby: Two of my children contracted pink eye. We were assured by the doctor that after being on antibiotics for 24 hours, they would no longer be contagious. Feeling reassured, we isolated them for 24 hours and went about our plans to visit family as originally scheduled.

I later learned that a few days after we left, three of my nephews, whom my sons played with often, all came down with pink eye. I have apologized, but I still feel guilty. We did everything the doctors recommended, yet we still gave it to others. Is there anything else I can do to make up for it? — Pink with Guilt

Dear Pink: A large box of chocolates might sweeten the bitter aftertaste of your visit to that family. Or, go online and search for “Ice Cream of the Month Club.” If you do, you will find several companies that guarantee frozen deliveries nationwide. Include a message on the card, “Apologies for the pink eye.” (And be sure one of the flavors is strawberry to reinforce your sentiments.)

Dear Abby: I am a 14-year-old boy living with my parents. Due to religious constraints, I was not going to be allowed to date until I turned 16. That policy has recently changed, although my parents are still holding me to it.

My problem is, there’s this girl. She’s my sister’s best friend. I met her when she came to hang out with my sister. I’m afraid if I wait, she’ll fall out of my life. Also, I am afraid that it will be awkward with my sister. What should I do? — Lovesick in Utah

Dear Lovesick: Your parents are enforcing those rules and, at least for now, you need to abide by them. If this girl is friendly with your sister, she’s not going to drop out of your life. That’s why, if you are as smart as I think you are, you will make an effort to simply be “friends” with her. Just friends. If you do, as you get to know each other better, you may form a more lasting relationship than if you were to make a move on her now. I wish you luck.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com

Even Rodrigo’s mighty voice, amplified by a million watts, can’t overpower the thousands who shout along to every word — “I thought I was so smart/But you’ve made me look so naive/The way you sold me for parts/As you sunk your teeth into me/Bloodsucker, fame-(expletive), bleeding me dry, like a goddamn vampire.”

“Vampire” is an intensely personal song. It’s Rodrigo’s story of being used and manipulated by an older man. But at TD Garden on Monday, the song belonged to everyone. The singer wouldn’t have it any other way.

The best mainstream pop songwriter of her generation, Rodrigo is a rock artist. She writes clever and visceral punk hooks complete with rumbling electric guitar parts and enormous crescendos. And she ran through those hooks with volume, force, fury, volume, intensity, electricity, volume (oh, and volume).

Rodrigo, with her ace seven-piece all-female-identifying band, kicked off the show with scream-along favorite “Bad Idea, Right?” and crashed right into her most relentless rocker “Ballad of a Homeschooled Girl.” (Later, she’d be joined by a troupe of dancers on a half dozen songs — from band to dancers to Rodrigo riding a crescent moon around the arena, the spectacle matched the art.) Near the close of the show, she circled back to her grunge vibes with “Brutal,” “Jealousy, Jealousy,” and “All-American Bitch” — a righteous, raw rant that triangulates “Bad Reputation,” “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Just a Girl” to absolute ragged perfection.

But her magic trick is giving her heartbreaking ballads the same gravity as the loud songs. Oh, those slow-burn-to-towering-crescendo-four-minutes-of-mainlining-catharsis ballads, those downtempo gems about plain old breakups and the relentless burden America asks teenage girls to walk around with, those delicate-and-sinewy songs that reach into fans’ chests and pump blood to their guts, seeing their pain, angst, conflicts and truths.

As they did during “Vampire,” the frenzied crowd knew and screamed every word. On “Drivers License,” they wailed, “God, I’m so blue, know we’re through/But I still (expletive) love you, babe.” On “Teenage Dream,” they yelled, projecting their emotions forward a half decade, “Got your whole life ahead of you, you’re only 19/But I fear that they already got all the best parts of me/And I’m sorry that I couldn’t always be your teenage dream.” They did this song after song after song.

Rodrigo didn’t need to make it clear, but she did anyway when she told everyone, “I want you to feel all your (expletive) feelings.”

Rodrigo can do rockers and ballads with equal energy and engagement. She can do them both at once (see “Deja Vu”). Expect her to be in football stadiums next summer because she can do anything. Well, anything except outsing 20,000 of her fans.

Chappell Roan opened the show. Not everybody, but hundreds maybe thousands knew Roan’s wonderful campy, disco pop and sang along with her too. Odds are she’ll take Olivia’s headlining spot at Garden in 2024.

Kao Kalia Yang has been called the foremost chronicler of Hmong life in the United States, and though this isn’t wrong, it’s the kind of tempered acclaim with which immigrant authors are especially familiar. Let’s retire the qualified praise. Her immensely powerful new book confirms Yang as one of America’s sharpest nonfiction writers.

“Where Rivers Part: A Story of My Mother” is about Tswb (pronounced “Chew”) Muas. Yang fans know her by another name. She was “Chue” in Yang’s “The Latehomecomer,” and excellent follow-up, “The Song Poet: A Memoir of My Father,” which Esquire named one of the 50 best biographies ever published.

Tswb gave birth to Yang in a Thai refugee camp, where her family lived for eight years before moving to Minnesota in 1987. Because her life has been a study in resilience, this book could’ve been too reverent for its own good. But, sticking to the approach that worked so well in “Poet,” Yang foregoes third-person narration in favor of her mother’s first-person voice. This gives the book immediacy, authenticity and humor (Yang also has an autobiographical picture book, “The Rock in My Throat,” out this month).

Born in Dej Tshuam, Laos — known locally as the Village Where the Rivers Meet — Tswb’s youth was distressing and brief. Her mother was widowed three times. Seeking stability amid chaos — North Vietnamese and Lao troops stalked members of the Hmong ethnic group, some of whom aided America during the Vietnam War — Tswb wed at 16.

Tswb consulted her mother about such decisions. “Young men who smell bad will only smell worse with age,” her mother said. Nineteen-year-old Npis — “Bee” in Yang’s previous books — must’ve smelled just fine.

Hiding in Laotian jungles, Tswb’s family survived by fishing, bartering and gathering vegetables. They made toothpaste from cooked banana peels.

In 1979, Tswb, Npis and their first child, Dawb, nearly died crossing the Mekong River, yet made it safely to a refugee camp in Thailand. There, the growing family lived near an open sewage canal and trembled as wind blew the roof off their communal house. “Pressures of this transient life” caused marital arguments.

In the Twin Cities, Tswb worked in factories and earned her high school diploma. More challenges awaited: Repetitive-stress injuries, depression. One of her toddlers ate lead paint.

The book is stronger for Yang’s decision to include fraught, not necessarily flattering, scenes. In one, Npis, having learned Tswb was pregnant, says he’s too old to raise another child. To Tswb, this is cowardice, the words suggesting she “kill the child inside me.”

For all its harrowing detail, “Where Rivers Part” lets the reader see the world afresh. As young Tswb washes bowls in a stream, “little minnows emerge out of the rocks to grab the bits of rice swimming down the current.” Years later, Minnesota snowdrifts assume “shapes like sheet-clad American ghosts in the orange glow of the streetlamps.”

After marrying, Tswb was known to relatives as “Npis’ wife.” In her daughter’s exceptional book, Tswb shines in the lead role.

Where Rivers Part: A Story of My Mother’s Life

By: Kao Kalia Yang.

Publisher: Atria, 310 pages, $28.99.

©2024 StarTribune. Visit at startribune.com. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

A captain flying on a commercial airline’s largest aircraft can bring home an average of $348,252 a year, based on recent pilot contracts that passed over the last year.

That’s just the best of the best when it comes to being a commercial airline pilot — a career that comes with years of high-earning salaries and benefits. But to get there, pilots need to invest into training and flying hours, which can often come with mounds of debt. ATP Flight School estimates it costs $108,995 to become a pilot when starting with no previous experience or $86,995 when starting with a private pilot certificate.

So what are the top commercial airlines for pilots to earn the big bucks? Here’s a list of a few.

American Airlines

At American, first-year pilots are at a flat rate, Tajer said. A first-year, first officer at American would be paid $116 an hour in 2024 under the new contract. Depending on how often that new commercial airline pilot would fly, that could mean an average $114,180 annual salary starting out, Darby said.

On average a major airline first officer in their first year flying the smallest aircraft may bring home $98,616, according to Darby.

Pay scales are based on a variety of factors, including each year of service, the type of aircraft the pilot flies and the rank of the pilot.

“It’s a good job,” Tajer said. “Each year you’ll get a pay raise because of the length of service and that goes out to 12 years. If you stay as a first officer, you’ll get an annual increase for your longevity up to 12 years and then you’ll cap out your pay per flight hour.”

Southwest Airlines

At Southwest, it is the only airline that pays per trip and a formula is used to calculate how much the pilot makes.

Southwest also only flies Boeing 737 airplanes — a difference in how other airlines get paid. First officers or captains at other major airlines, like American, can see pay bumps if they upgrade to larger airplanes.

A first-year, first officer would make approximately $133.76 an hour at Southwest, under the union’s calculations. Darby estimates that to be about $11,370 a month on average.

Top-of-scale captains at Southwest make $364.52 an hour, but Southwest believes this to be closer to $368.01. That would mean about $371,808 on average per year, Darby said.

Pilots are not paid during boarding or getting to their flight. Pilots sometimes work 10 to 12 hours a day but are only paid for when they are flying.

“What it boils down to is everybody’s competing for the best pilots, the most experienced pilots and that experience translates to safety,” Southwest Airlines Pilot Association president Casey Murray said. “When customers purchase tickets, that’s what they’re buying.”

Delta Air Lines

At Delta Air Lines, the Atlanta-based airline which nailed down its contract before all other airlines early last year, a first officer flying its smallest aircraft can make an average of $109,212 annually, according to Darby.

Pilots at Delta are represented by the Air Line Pilots Association. The deal raised their pay by more than 30% over four years. The union of about 15,000 pilots voted in the contract in March.

Flying their largest aircraft, a captain can make $420,876 a year on average.

United Airlines

United’s pilots who are first officers in their first year on the smallest aircraft can bring home a similar salary — $114,696, according to Darby’s estimate.

In July, United Airlines pilots reached an agreement for a new four-year contract, providing a cumulative increase in total compensation of as much as 40.2% over the life of the agreement.

On the other side of the scale, senior-most captains flying United’s largest aircraft can make a salary of $424,920.

Other commercial airlines

At JetBlue Airways, a first-year pilot can make $99,000. Top of the line, a captain at JetBlue flying its largest planes will make $303,840 on average.

At Allegiant Air, a first-year pilot might make around $55,356. A senior captain on average makes $222,696 flying its largest airplanes.

Spirit Airlines’ first officers starting out on the smallest aircraft make $92,868 a year. For captains flying the largest aircraft, that’s an average of $297,876 a year on average at Spirit.

Alaska Airlines pilots flying the smallest aircraft in their first year make $107,844 in the first year. As a senior captain, they can bring home $326,640 on average flying the largest airplanes at Alaska.

©2024 The Dallas Morning News. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

Deviled eggs — the darlings of church suppers and potlucks — may sound retro, but when served at a fancy cocktail soiree, those eggs disappear long before the canapés. You’ll be hard-pressed to see a leftover deviled egg.

If you’re left with too many Easter eggs, try experimenting with a range of fillings. The eggs are already cooked and easy to fill. I like to make a big batch of a relatively simple stuffing, then tweak small amounts with different flavors to fill different eggs.

Theories of the best way to hard boil eggs abound. Here’s my basic method: Place the eggs in a pot with enough water to cover them by at least four inches. Set the pot over high heat, bring to a low boil, cook the eggs for 10 minutes; then with a slotted spoon, remove the eggs to an ice bath to cool for at least 5 minutes. Instant Pot users swear by the “5-5-5″ method: 5 minutes on high pressure, 5 minutes of natural release, and 5 minutes in an ice bath.

Removing the shells can be tricky. It helps to gently crack the shell all over, then run cold water over the egg while peeling it. This seems to help the shell more easily loosen up. Once the eggs are peeled, use a sharp knife to slice them horizontally. Use a teaspoon to gently remove the yolks, and pile them into a bowl for the base.

The jury is out about what fat is best to enrich the filling and enhance the flavor. Mayonnaise is a must, and some cooks add a little cream cheese or yogurt, too. Some cooks prefer a smooth, velvety filling and opt for the food processor. But if you like a few lumps, use a fork to mash the yolks with the mayonnaise.

The fun is deciding what comes next. Here you’ll find a range of options — from smoked salmon to salsa, pickled beets to pickled okra — for different fillings that can be salty, tangy, salty or hot. Taste, adjust, taste again. You won’t go wrong. The only mistake is not making enough.

Classic Deviled Eggs

Makes 24 halves.

Here is my go-to classic deviled egg recipe. Be sure to use a good mayonnaise (i.e. Duke’s) for the filling. These are great on their own, but also can be the base for a range of different options. Just season to taste and use whatever you have on hand.

• 12 hard-cooked eggs
• 1/3 c. mayonnaise
• 2 tsp. Dijon mustard, to taste
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
• Dusting of paprika for garnish

Directions

Cut the eggs in half horizontally; carefully remove the yolks and place in a bowl. Set the whites aside.

Using a fork, mash the egg yolks with the mayonnaise until the mixture is creamy but a few lumps remain. Stir in the mustard. Season to taste with salt and freshly ground black pepper. For the most classic deviled eggs, simply scoop the filling back into the egg whites and garnish with the paprika. Or, create your own variations. Here are a few ideas.

Deviled egg variations

Mexican: Season with a splash of fresh lime juice and a little Tajin seasoning, to taste. Garnish with a sprinkle of Tajin.

Moroccan: Season with Za’atar and ground cumin; garnish with chopped parsley and grated lemon zest.

Miso Sriracha: Season with miso to taste and garnish with a drizzle of Sriracha.

Pickled: Stir in chopped pickled okra or chopped dill pickles and garnish with sliced pickle or pickled okra.

Smoked Salmon: Stir in flaked smoked salmon and prepared horseradish and garnish with capers.

Prosciutto: Stir in chopped prosciutto and garnish with more prosciutto.

Pickled Beet: In a covered container, soak the hard boiled, peeled eggs in pickled beet juice in the refrigerator overnight. Remove and discard the beet juice and garnish with chopped pickled beets.

Spicy and Corny: Stir in corn salsa and garnish with chopped cherry tomato.

Tex-Mex: Stir in chopped avocado, chili powder, a little lime juice and garnish with chili powder.

Asian Peanut: Stir in spicy peanut sauce and garnish with chopped peanuts and chopped cilantro.

Roasted Pepper: Stir in chopped roasted red peppers, a shot of hot sauce and garnish with chopped mint.

Beth Dooley is the author of “The Perennial Kitchen.” Find her at bethdooleyskitchen.com.

©2024 StarTribune. Visit at startribune.com. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

Based on the title track of the group’s 2008 album of the same name, the book is “a call to arms to stand strong and persevere during trying times … (and) follows the path of a humble armadillo who discovers along the way how music can pull together a disparate cast of characters,” according to a press release.

“Stay Positive” was illustrated by Mexican cartoonist and comic book author David “El Dee” Espinosa.

Said lead singer Craig Finn: “‘Stay Positive’ has a line that says, ‘The kids at the shows will have kids of their own’ and it’s true. Each year more Hold Steady fans become parents or grandparents. So, I’m thrilled that we’re offering the children’s book version of ‘Stay Positive,’ which brings THS joy to the whole family.”

The book follows last year’s publication of “The Gospel of the Hold Steady: How a Resurrection Really Feels,” an oral history written by Michael Hann and the band.

Autographed copies of “Stay Positive,” and a package that includes a custom water bottle and stickers, are available for preorder at akashicbooks.com.

My parents were first-generation Italians. Even though they both spoke Italian, regretfully they never taught us the language.

They were proud to be Americans, and instead of going full Italian, we always had the traditional ham with all the trimmings for Easter dinner. The only exception was a homemade Italian bread with dyed hard-boiled eggs shaped into the dough and then baked.

This year Easter is early, and prepping for April showers I wanted to feature a ham and split pea soup, making use of the ham bone and leftover ham. You can substitute a ham hock if you don’t have a ham bone.

This makes enough soup to share or freeze. Any questions or comments, email me at cjvigos@yahoo.com.

Split Pea Soup with Ham

INGREDIENTS

1 pound of split peas soaking in water to clean

1 ham bone or ham hock

3 tablespoons butter

2 cups chopped onions

1 cup chopped celery

1 cup chopped carrots

4 teaspoons minced garlic

1 pound diced ham

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon pepper

1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper

12 cups water

2 bay leaves

1 teaspoon of dried thyme or 2 teaspoons of fresh thyme

DIRECTIONS

In a large pot and on medium high heat, melt the butter. Add the onions and saute for 2 minutes. Add the celery and carrots, stirring for 3 minutes. Add the garlic, stirring for 30 seconds.

Add the ham bone/ham hock and diced ham, stirring until starting to brown. Add drained peas, salt, pepper, crushed red pepper, the 12 cups of water, bay leaves and thyme.

Partially cover the lid and simmer until the split peas are done, about 11/2 to 2 hours. If the soup gets too thick while cooking, add water.

When done, remove the ham bone/ham hock and take off the meat.

If you like a smoother split pea soup, use a blender to get to your desired consistency.

Add the meat back to the soup. Adjust seasonings, top with oyster crackers if desired and serve.

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Barbara Rush, a popular leading actor in the 1950 and 1960s who co-starred with Frank Sinatra, Paul Newman and other top film performers and later had a thriving TV career, has died. She was 97.

Rush’s death was announced by her daughter, Fox News reporter Claudia Cowan, who posted on Instagram that her mother died on Easter Sunday. Additional details were not immediately available.

Cowan praised her mother as “among the last of ”Old Hollywood Royalty” and called herself her mother’s “biggest fan.”

Spotted in a play at the Pasadena Playhouse, Rush was given a contract at Paramount Studios in 1950 and made her film debut that same year with a small role in “The Goldbergs,” based on the radio and TV series of the same name.

She would leave Paramount soon after, however, going to work for Universal International and later 20th Century Fox.

“Paramount wasn’t geared for developing new talent,” she recalled in 1954. “Every time a good role came along, they tried to borrow Elizabeth Taylor.”

Rush went on to appear in a wide range of films. She starred opposite Rock Hudson in “Captain Lightfoot” and in Douglas Sirk’s acclaimed remake of “Magnificent Obsession,” Audie Murphy in “World in My Corner” and Richard Carlson in the 3-D science-fiction classic “It Came From Outer Space,” for which she received a Golden Globe for most promising newcomer.

Other film credits included the Nicholas Ray classic “Bigger Than Life”; “The Young Lions,” with Marlon Brando, Dean Martin and Montgomery Clift and “The Young Philadelphians” with Newman. She made two films with Sinatra, “Come Blow Your Horn” and the Rat Pack spoof “Robin and the Seven Hoods,” which also featured Martin and Sammy Davis Jr.

Rush, who had made TV guest appearances for years, recalled fully making the transition as she approached middle age.

“There used to be this terrible Sahara Desert between 40 and 60 when you went from ingenue to old lady,” she remarked in 1962. “You either didn’t work or you pretended you were 20.”

Instead, Rush took on roles in such series as “Peyton Place,” “All My Children,” “The New Dick Van Dyke Show” and “7th Heaven.”

“I’m one of those kinds of people who will perform the minute you open the refrigerator door and the light goes on,” she cracked in a 1997 interview.

Her first play was the road company version of “Forty Carats,” a comedy that had been a hit in New York. The director, Abe Burrows, helped her with comedic acting.

“It was very, very difficult for me to learn timing at first, especially the business of waiting for a laugh,” she remarked in 1970. But she learned, and the show lasted a year in Chicago and months more on the road.

She went on to appear in such tours as “Same Time, Next Year,” “Father’s Day,” “Steel Magnolias” and her solo show, “A Woman of Independent Means.”

Born in Denver, Rush spent her first 10 years on the move while her father, a mining company lawyer, was assigned from town to town. The family finally settled in Santa Barbara, California, where young Barbara played a mythical dryad in a school play and fell in love with acting.

Rush was married and divorced three times — to screen star Jeffrey Hunter, Hollywood publicity executive Warren Cowan and sculptor James Gruzalski.

___

Bob Thomas, a longtime Associated Press journalist who died in 2014, was the principal writer of this obituary. AP National Writer Hillel Italie contributed to this report from New York.

Because, strangely enough, it all happens to be true.

Neighbors Edith Swan (Colman), a Bible-quoting spinster living with her aged parents, and Rose Gooding (Buckley), a widowed Irish immigrant with a young daughter, couldn’t be more different.

Edith virtually defines the era’s proper, corseted Englishwoman while the uninhibited Rose in her loose smocks rarely gets through a sentence without unleashing  F-bombs.

When Edith is horrified, traumatized even, by receiving obscenity-strewn hateful letters, she and the police immediately point to the most obvious suspect, Rose, who’s soon locked up.

“The fact that Jesse’s Rose isn’t corseted says so much about her freedom,” Colman, 50, said in a Zoom interview from Manhattan.  “She’s decided, ‘Screw this. I’m not going to be held back.’ So she is living the life that she’s chosen. But these other women are so restricted, aren’t they?”

Edith is more than a bit of sanctimonious pickle but for Colman, her comical contradictions were irresistible.

“Very simply, I really thought it’d be fun to play her. She looks lovely and is all sort of pious and fluttery eyelids and butter wouldn’t melt — and then you find out there’s a whole lot more going on! Which of course there is with all human beings. But I just thought it’d be so much fun to play both those things.”

Among the world’s most honored artists, Colman isn’t one to rest on past triumphs.  She’s recently starred in “Wonka,” a “Great Expectations” miniseries, made a guest appearance on “The Bear” and is now filming “Paddington in Peru.”

“I have this plan in my head that I’m going to do one film a year — and that’s never happened,” she said cheerfully. “Everyone wants to work because of ‘I might never work again.’ Every actor has that.

“When this appeared, I wanted to do it because I thought it would be fun.  I love the female-centric nature of it. It’s in the UK which is great, I’m not far from my family. And I love working — I think that’s our job.”

Among her many Emmys, Globes and BAFTAs is the Best Actress Oscar for “The Favourite.” Does he have a special place in her home? Does she ever say, “I’m going to bring you a little buddy one day”?

“I don’t talk to him enough. He’s in a cupboard. Because I feel a little embarrassed when people come to the house. It feels a bit showy-offy. He is very special and I do go and say ‘Hello Shiney.’ Maybe I should say, ‘I’m going to bring you a friend.’ I’ve never tried that.”

“Wicked Little Letters” opens April 5

Not long after they moved in, the wife began copying our interior and exterior design elements and one night stood in our kitchen and said, “Well you know, everything’s a competition.” To say we were dismayed would be an understatement. My husband and I spent many years collecting vintage furniture and other items to create a distinctive home. It has been a labor of love.

Six months ago, we installed a unique garage door, unlike anything in the neighborhood. Abby, within three months she installed the exact same one! Are we wrong to find it crass and disrespectful?

We no longer want to spend time with them but don’t want to completely sever the connection because they are neighbors, and we also have some mutual friends. Moving is not an option; this is our home. What should we do? — Fed Up in Ohio

Dear Fed Up: I understand why you are frosted and need to distance yourself. Who wants to be close to someone who considers “everything” to be a competition? Perhaps it will lessen your frustration to remember that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, while you learn to accept things you cannot change. Of course it is in your best interest to keep things cordial, but it might be better if you no longer invite this woman INTO your home.

Dear Abby: I lost my beautiful mother six years ago. While, of course, I miss her terribly, something else has been bothering me that I’m having trouble getting over. I allowed my cousin on my dad’s side of the family to come to the hospital to see me and pay her respects, which didn’t bother me. It’s what occurred next that I have the big issue with.

When my cousin left the hospital, she jumped straight on Facebook and posted for everyone to see “RIP, Aunt Sally.” Everyone who was friends with Mom saw the post, which meant she announced my mom’s passing before I had even had time to process it all. I was extremely hurt, angry, sad and shocked that she would do that.

It still bothers me as it’s not something that can be undone. I was still lying beside my mom crying and trying to say goodbye to her when my phone started blowing up with messages and notifications. How can I get past the betrayal I feel? I have had very little contact with that cousin since. — Hurt in Florida

Dear Hurt: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. In this internet age, it’s not unusual for people to post their feelings online. Your cousin may have been venting rather than intending to make a formal announcement of your mother’s passing. The problem with posting is that once it’s on there, it is out there for everyone to see and react to.

I do think this is something you should discuss with your cousin, who may not have realized how her online sentiments affected you on that sad and stressful day. You deserve an apology for her insensitivity.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com

This South Florida city has starred countless times on the silver screen and television and is always coming up in popular music, too, with many of these Miami-centric works becoming downright iconic.

All of this has painted such a vibrant picture of the city, that whether or not you’ve ever crossed over the city limits, you have years of stored-up visions of what this city will be like when you finally get there.

Considering all of this, when you visit for the first time, there’s a bit of pressure to find the Miami you have always envisioned. I recently visited the city for the very first time and I tried to capture the essence of the city that I had dreamed of while also trying to see a couple of surprises along the way.

Sunrise start

I know you’re on vacation, but you simply have to wake up before dawn and take in a sunrise during your trip to Miami, preferably on your first morning. Darkness gives away to soft light as the sun slowly rises above the Atlantic Ocean, streaking the sky in hues of pink, gold and blue, casting a soft glow over the water and the sand below.

On your way back from the beach, make sure to grab a photo with one of the iconic neon lifeguard towers — it is the golden hour after all.

News break

Famed for its prime role in revitalizing South Beach during the heady days of the ’90s, News Cafe is open 24/7 and located at the heart of South Beach (8th & Ocean Avenue). You’re probably going to pass it anyway so you might as well pull up a chair outside and chill for a bit.

Back in the day, this cafe was frequented by the glamorous, the fabulous and everyone in between as it served up one of the first slices of European cafe culture on South Beach — and today the pulse of the neighborhood still beats strong here.

Enjoy a Cuban Club and a Paper Boy (their take on the bloody mary) as I did, or a frosty, citrusy Frozzie Rossie cocktail as the sidewalk in front of you becomes a runway full of locals on bicycles or rollerblades, wide-eyed tourists, wanna-be influencers and drivers showing off their shiny cars.

Art Deco up close

If you’re anything like me, you may know that Art Deco is synonymous with South Beach, but do you know the stories behind the style and the facades? That’s where the Miami Design Preservation League’s expert guides come in as they take travelers on daily jaunts through the Art Deco District each morning at 10:30 AM. The guides tell the stories behind each building (you’ll see Art Deco, Miami Modern and Mediterranean Revival on the tour), endearing you to their efforts to preserve these special buildings.

Eat old school

For more than a century, Joe’s Stone Crab has been drawing in crowds from far and wide for its famed crustaceans and no trip to Miami is complete without a stop here. Located in the vibrant heart of South Beach, Joe’s is famed for its succulent stone crab claws plucked from nearby waters, alongside an array of other mouthwatering dishes. Think of it this way: everybody is going to ask you if you went to Joe’s, so you might as well!

… and new

Sushi may not be the first thing that pops into your head when thinking of Miami, but why wouldn’t it be great here? Enter Blue Ribbon Sushi Bar & Grill, which is an oasis of Japanese cuisine situated within the historic Plymouth Hotel South Beach (just past the retro-cool lobby and beside the beautiful pool). The menu is overseen by sushi master Toshi Ueki and chefs Bruce and Eric Bromberg and boasts a tantalizing selection of traditional sushi and sashimi, expertly crafted to perfection. Oh, and there’s also a much-loved version of fried chicken. You’ll feel cool slinking into one of their booths, but not intimidatingly so.

Say adios to South Beach

Wynwood. Little Havana. Downtown. Little Haiti. Key Biscayne. Coconut Grove. Coral Gables. It doesn’t matter where you go, but you have to get outside of South Beach during your time in Miami because it’s only a small — albeit shiny — part of this spectacular city.

My time in South Beach was punctuated with spells in Wynwood and Little Havana, where I was able to get a taste (literally) of two entirely different sections of the city and sip (literally) up slices of its unique story.

To live up to the level of hype that has been thrust upon Miami is almost impossible, but this city made it look like a breeze.

Tribune News Service

Although as with all things “Star Trek” — is there ever a final anything? With conventions, personal appearances, maybe a not-so-distant future spin-off series?

“That’s exactly right,” Martin-Green, 39, began in a Zoom interview. “We’ve talked about this a lot — that there’s so much opportunity here for more connection with the franchise at large. Connecting with even the alumni from other iterations.

“The mothership of ‘Discovery’ was able to lay the groundwork for the expansion of the franchise from this point forward.  I do think that we all know that that is available to us and it makes us very happy. It’s bittersweet, but it’s exciting.”

Martin-Green’s Michael Burnham, the Star Trek captain, was specifically modeled on Nichelle Nichols in the original “Star Trek” series. That was the inspiration: To have Burnham’s breakthrough as the first starring Black woman.

How, she was asked, were the repercussions of that historical step for her personally?

“Oh man! I love that you use the word repercussions. Because there were repercussions to making television history in this way.

“Nichelle Nichols was a major inspiration for me. I remember learning that first of all, ‘Star Trek’ was coming back to TV and they were adamant about a Black woman at the helm of the show.

“I remember having to keep it to myself that this was a journey to the Captain’s chair.  Here I was, the first Black female lead of a ‘Trek’ — and then I had to make history again, as the first Black Captain.  So, it’s not just Nichelle’s shoulders that I stand on. It’s also Avery Brooks. It’s also Kate Mulgrew. It’s also LeVar Burton, Whoopi Goldberg. There’s so many people!

“But very few people in the entire ‘Trek’ franchise made as much impact as Nichelle did. So I just appreciate her.”

In the first episode, the Captain tells a character, “Find your purpose.” How does she feel that applies to her own life?

“I mean, that’s everybody’s journey, isn’t it? We see that with Burnham. We see her evolving from pain to purpose, from fear to faith.

“We see this woman find her true womanhood and find the leader inside her.

“I know for me personally, God really used ‘Discovery’ to teach me a lot about being a leader. About being a woman. About being a wife and a mother.  So my purpose, I believe, is a God-given right. And I take it very seriously.”

“Star Trek Discovery: Season 5 The Final Adventure” streams the first two of 10 episodes on Paramount+ April 4.

By placing electrodes on the heads of 18 pet dogs, researchers found striking evidence that the animals did not merely recognize the patterns of sound that come out of their owners’ mouths, they actually realized that certain words refer to specific objects.

The findings were reported this month in the journal Current Biology.
“For decades there has been a debate about whether animals are capable of such a level of abstraction,” said study leader Marianna Boros, a neuroscientist and ethologist at Eötvös Loránd University in Budapest, Hungary. The experiments with dogs knock down the uniqueness of humans “a little bit.”

A few exceptional dogs have been trained to learn the names of hundreds of objects. Among the most esteemed was Chaser, a border collie from South Carolina who could remember the names of more than 1,000 toys.

Boros wondered whether more dogs understood that words had meanings but just didn’t have a way to show it. Even when dogs succeed in behavioral studies, she said, “you never know exactly what happens in the brain.”

So she took inspiration from researchers who study language processing in humans and got her hands on an electroencephalogram machine. The EEG measures brain waves and can gauge the difference between the neural responses to a word that’s expected and a word that seems to come out of left field.

With a little cleanser, some conductive cream and gauze, the researchers connected the EEG electrodes to the heads of 27 dogs. Then the dogs listened to recordings of their owners using the familiar words in simple sentences like, “Luna, here’s the ball.”

After a short pause, the owner appeared behind a window with an object in his or her hand. Sometimes it was the object mentioned in the sentence; sometimes it wasn’t. Either way, the electrodes recorded small voltages from the dogs’ brains as they contemplated what they had heard and seen.

The tests went on for as long as a dog was willing to stay on its mat and participate, Boros said.

“The EEG studies with dogs are quite easy to run,” she said. “They don’t need to do anything. They just lay down.”

The 18 dogs that were able to sit through at least 10 trials were included in the analysis. With all but four of those animals, the EEGs revealed a distinct pattern: The wave signals dipped significantly lower when there was a match between the word and the object than when there wasn’t.

It was reminiscent of the difference seen in EEGs when humans are confronted with a word that seems out of place, such as a request to wash your hands with soap and coffee. Neuroscientists interpret this as a sign that the brain was expecting another word — “water” instead of “coffee” — and had to do some extra work to understand the sentence.

Boros and her colleagues posit that the same thing happens in the brains of dogs: After hearing their owner use the word for an object, they called it up in their mind in anticipation of seeing it. Then, when an object appeared, it was either the thing they expected or something that threw them for a loop. The reason the dogs could tell something was amiss was that they understood the spoken word.

The gap between hearing the word and seeing the object is key, said Lilla Magyari, a cognitive neuroscientist at the University of Stavanger in Norway, who worked on the study.

If a dog heard the word “ball” while looking at a ball in its owner’s hands, it might guess that the two go together because they were present at the same time, she said. But the experiment’s design prevented that from happening. Instead, the dog must have created an accurate mental representation of the spoken word.

The dog was thinking, “I heard the word, now the object needs to come,” Magyari said.

“Ball” was the most common vocabulary word among the dogs in the study. Several had words for “leash,” “phone” and “wallet.” Most had at least one name for a favorite toy, including one pet that understood four distinct words for different toys in the experiment.

It’s not clear from the study results whether all dogs have the capacity to learn words. The ones that participated in the experiment were volunteered by their owners, who vouched that their pets knew at least five words for objects. (One dog was said to have a vocabulary of 230 nouns.)

Marie Nitzschner spent a decade studying the cognitive abilities and communication skills of dogs at the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Germany. She said she had ever met only one dog that seemed to know words for specific objects. Even so, she said the study makes a strong case that the phenomenon is real.
“It appears to me to be conclusive,” said Nitzschner, who was not involved in the work.

She added that dogs who lack this ability have nothing to worry about “because we still have good communication options. However, if I noticed that my dog had a talent in this direction, I would probably try to encourage this talent.”

Dog lovers are sure to be intrigued by the linguistic capabilities of their best friends. But the researchers see the study as a way to investigate why humans excel at language when other animals don’t.

“It’s kind of a mystery,” Magyari said. “We don’t know why all of a sudden humans were able to use such a complex system.”

By breaking it down into its component parts and studying whether any of them are shared with animals, “we can construct a theory about how language evolved in humans,” she said.

Of all species on Earth, dogs are singular study subjects because they live their entire lives immersed in a world rich with human speech. And unlike with cats, the ancestors of dogs were selected for domestication based on their ability to communicate with humans.

“It’s super-relevant for them,” Boros said.

Tribune News Service

Lily attends school and receives some additional support ithere. She is a strong student and does well academically. Lily takes initiative and thrives with one-on-one attention.

Lily would do well with a family of any constellation who would be able to support a gradual transition. Lily says she would love to have two parents and a younger sibling. She loves animals and would love to have a dog. Lily is of Caucasian descent. Lily would do well with experienced parents who can provide a supportive, consistent structure. She would like to maintain contact with her former foster mother. She has contact with two younger siblings, as well as phone contact and occasional visits with her father, who resides out of state.

If you’re at least 18 years old, have a stable source of income, and room in your heart, you may be a perfect match to adopt a waiting child.

To learn more about adoption from foster care visit www.mareinc.org . Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE) can give you guidance and information on the adoption process. Reach out today to find out all the ways you can help children and teens in foster care.

A: If you have to end a relationship, you may want to think about ending it with someone who asks you to consider her needs over the needs of your child. I didn’t hear anything about you perpetuating the relationship with your ex — it’s your son who continues to be close.

Any partner who asks you to end your child’s contact with a past partner when that past partner and child have developed a supportive, loving relationship, may be settling themselves up for failure — and you need to consider if they are the right choice for a partner. Granted, the relationship between your child and former partner may slow down on its own, but it’s certainly not up to your new partner to demand it.

Now for your part. Make sure you aren’t doing anything to contribute to your new partner’s insecurity. She must understand that that the reason you continue to interact with your ex is that you are supporting your child’s relationship with her.

If your child knows your new partner is behind his not being able to see his bonus mom, it could undermine any relationship your new partner is trying to build with your son. Children have enough love to go around —it’s the adults who complicate things.

You referenced your ex-wife as your son’s former bonus mom. If your son and his bonus mom continue to have a loving relationship, he doesn’t have to stop calling her bonus mom once you break up. Use the term as long as you like. That’s good ex-etiquette.

Dr. Jann Blackstone is the author of “Ex-etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After Divorce or Separation,” and the founder of Bonus Families, bonusfamilies.com. /Tribune News Service

Each season is based on a specific book in Anthony Horowitz’s best-selling series; in this case “Scorpia,” about a criminal organization.

“What the show does so well,” Farrant, 27, said in a Zoom interview from London, “is that it stays true to the story of the books and the core values of the books. But it tries to expand on that world and that makes it feel fresh for both the younger audience and also an audience that have read the books and love them and love the characters.

“Scorpia in this one is Alex’s biggest threat yet. But in that there are some surprises along the way and I really hope that fans get excited by what we’ve got in store because there are some twists and turns.”

Farrant’s life has changed, of course, by playing Alex.  “We’ve shot this show through three seasons in five years. It was 2019 when we started — and you change so much in five years! I remember when I got the job, it was like looking up a mountain and thinking, How on earth am I going to climb this?

“But with the support of the great actors and the team around me, we all managed with a show we’re so proud of.”

Alex was unknowingly trained since early childhood to be a MI6 agent. Is he like a teenage James Bond, trained to kill? Is Farrant required to train before each season?

“I do a bit of training to prepare physically. I also have the most incredible stunt team in Jamie Stanley and all the rest of them. But Jamie specifically. He’s been more than a double since Season 1 and he’s taught me so much.

“We have such a good working relationship and a friendship. He’s really taken me on a long, long journey to learning how to make a fight great and how to do all the action.

“Also, stepping in when something’s maybe too dangerous for me.”

As to the show — and Rider’s — continuing appeal, “The thing I like is it appeals to anyone and everyone.  It doesn’t try to patronize its audience. It just presents a fun story that is emotional and is action-packed whenever it needs to be.

“And it has a good message, something everyone can relate to. Everyone wants to have fun when they’re watching TV sometimes. So it’s a good show for everyone.”

The first 2 of 10 episodes of “Alex Rider” stream on Freevee April 5. 

“Your anonymity goes out the window, so suddenly you’re not able to go down to the local store and buy a pint of milk — but you know, there are worse things in life than that. I think people on the whole were very gracious and nice to me, and 99 percent of the time they’d come up to me and say how much they enjoyed the music. Maybe you’d be a store and go through the record racks, then you’d turn around and see people moving toward you, so you’d need to sneak out the back. But you work for years and years to get that kind of notice, so you’re not going to knock it when you get it.”

Adam will revisit the glory days of Antmusic at the Wilbur April 1, with the venerable English Beat opening. He promises a show that will include the Ants-era hits and a taste of everything he’s done since. “We’re trying to keep it as close to the records as we can. And that’s not always easy, since there were 30 vocal parts on some of those songs.”

With their glammy flamboyance and campy sense of humor, Adam & the Ants hit in the early ‘80s as an alternative to the seriousness of punk—an Ant-idote, if you will.

“We were all pretty much from a punk background and we were all loyal to our influences — Iggy, Roxy Music, early Bowie and the Alice Coopers of this world. That was all precious stuff to us, it was part of our DNA and we took it with us. But the whole punk rock thing got very ugly with the spitting and the violence. It wasn’t something I wanted to be associated with, it wasn’t beautiful anymore So we wanted to move it forward a bit. Something like ’Antmusic’ was an anthem, a ‘here we are’ type of song. And it helped to put a sense of humor into it, since that was something people checked at the door in those days.”

Adam was already an established UK star before he hit the US charts; it was his first post-Ants single “Goody Two Shoes” that did the trick. And it didn’t hurt that a new channel called MTV was starting up at that time. “The brass section gave it a sound that the American audience seemed to adopt. I’d been to art school, so I was able to storyboard the video and get my ideas across visually. Then the whole MTV generation kicked in at the same moment. I remember being invited to go to a studio in London, pick a phone up and say ‘I want my MTV.’ I had no idea that Mick Jagger and other luminaries had been in the studio the same morning. So I thought, ‘If Mick’s having some of it, it must be worth doing.’

“It didn’t feel like any kind of important moment that was going to change everything. I was glad I was able to be a part of something that was new. But at the same time, my attitude was quite traditional. I’d always come from playing live, and I liked to get out and play for people, look in their eyes, get the response. Nothing much has changed there.”

As for the song, “It was true that I didn’t smoke, drink or take drugs. So that put me outside the standards of rock and roll bad boy. And I thought I’d wind up the journalists who always asked about it.” But now it can be told: When journalists posed that question — “Don’t drink, don’t smoke, what do you do?” — What did he actually answer?  “I’d say, That’s for me to know and you to think about — and watch the videos.”

My ex is remarried and has a baby. We share custody equally. She now refuses to bring our daughter to any games on her weekends if it is raining or snowing. She refuses to let our son play for any other teams when they are lacking goalies on her weekends. Three years from now we are going to have to figure out how to pay for two in college. Athletic scholarships are realistic for both kids, but not if they don’t participate. My daughter’s coach recently told me if she does not start to show up, she will be cut from next year’s team.

Can I make my ex pay more for college if she doesn’t help out now to give them an opportunity to get scholarship money?

A. The short answer is probably not. Certainly if they were offered scholarships but had the offers rescinded for lack of participation, that would be a different story.  How would you prove to a judge that a college would have offered them a scholarship had they played in more games?

Rather than take this issue up with a court, you need to figure out an alternative solution for your kids now. Yes, it is your ex who should be finding a plan for her weekends but if she isn’t going to and you can – you should make the effort.  Assuming your kids actually want to play at the level at which they are competing, you should step in on her weekends.  If you know your daughter has a game and the weather is predicted to be lousy – offer to take her to the game on your ex’s weekends or find another family on the team willing to take her. Offer to take her to away tournaments on your ex’s weekends – that is where the college coaches go to scout.  This gives you more time with your daughter and allows her to stay on the team.  Same goes for your son.

If your ex refuses, you ask the court to modify the parenting plan to allow her more parenting time during the week and you more weekends until they are able to drive themselves.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com

For more than four decades, the Rock ‘n’ Roll Rumble has introduced Boston to its new favorite rock band. This year’s April 4 to May 4 run at the Middle East and Sonia will be no different. To get a head start on this world series of local rock, here are five songs from five contenders that take a rumbling definition of rock, an interpretation that winners from the Neighborhoods to the Dresden Dolls to One Fall can get behind.

“Locals,” Roser

Sounding like a clattering mess and a sweet indie pop outfit all at once is a great Massachusetts tradition (see Pixies, Belly, Speedy Ortiz). Lowell quintet Roser follows that template so well so often while also making it its own. “Locals” is the band’s most bewitching piece of magic. The 2023 tune crashes with waves of scratchy guitars and drum thumps, intertwining vocal harmonies that cry above the din, towering crescendos and clever breakdowns. Live, this could be a killer set closer.

“Maybe It’s Time,” Ruby Grove

OK, so maybe this one is a little Sade-ish. Ruby Grove matches the silky smooth with glitchy beats, creaks, and guitar growls. And “Maybe It’s Time” is a wonderful reminder that rock can absorb so much and keep on rolling. This hypnotic track synthesizes trip hop, electro, lounge jazz, neo-soul, goth, and more into a fabulous fever dream. All of it made more trippy, catchy, witchy by Melissa Nilles’ call of, “Maybe it’s time/Get rid of those nightmares/Takin’ up your time/Everything is within reach…Everything.”

“Ana,” JATK

Here’s a great idea: Take a Beach Boys’ style song and violently throw it forward a half century, rev it up, redline the guitars, overdrive everything while keeping the hook. That’s what JATK do on “Ana.” This Arlington power-pop outfit and brainchild of songwriter Matt Jatkola has had a big few years culminating with 2023 nominations at both the Boston Music Awards and New England Music Awards. Firing up “Ana” at the Rumble could lead to another year of winning.

“A Series of Chemicals,” The Magic City

A 2024 contender with a real Rumble pedigree, The Magic City’s members come from Rumble alums Reverse (’03), the Daily Pravda (’13), the Daylilies (’19), and Graveyard of the Atlantic (’23). But The Magic City doesn’t sound much like any of those acts. The band’s second single, “A Series of Chemicals” is tight, bright, sharp and poppy. It’s British Invasion and Brit Pop, Boston in the early ’90s and New York in the early ’00s, yesterday and tomorrow, immortal and fresh.

“Today,” Lovina Falls

Ex-Mistle Thrush singer/songwriter Valerie Forgione has taken two (three? five? a hundred?) steps forward with Lovina Falls. To call Forgione’s new project a rock band is right and totally wrong. First, she wrote, arranged and recorded debut album “Calculating the Angle of Our Descent” as a one-person show. Second, it sounds like the soundtrack to a wonderland where the Bohemians, goths, punks, and dreamers took over.

For tickets and a full schedule, visit rockandrollrumble.com

That single of course was “Right Here, Right Now” and yes, Jesus Jones will be playing it at the City Winery on Tuesday. But no, it won’t be the only good song in the set. “We’ve always been thankful for it, but it doesn’t dominate our thinking. We don’t look at the set list and say, ‘There has to be the moment when we unveil the song’ — It’s just another song when we play it. The fact that people may make more noise when they hear it, that’s up to them. If they want to choose one song above all others, that’s their prerogative. As an artist, that decision is taken out of your hands, and I quite like that. Once you do something and you send it out to people, it’s quite right that artists have no further control.”

From the start, Jesus Jones combined a traditional guitar-band sound with heavy use of dance beats and electronics, never going all the way in either direction. “I think we explore a spectrum that goes from dance to rock, and back again. Maybe there was a time when we fired up a guitar and a sampler and said, ‘Hey, these sound really cool together, and nobody else is doing it’.”

After many years without recording, Jesus Jones have released a new single, “Still Smiling” — and in terms of both sound and attitude, it could have been done six months after the hit. “I think it’s genuinely one of the best things we’ve done for quite some time — but here’s the caveat, every band is going to say that. But I do feel that we’ve managed to find again the spirit of what we had back then. It’s quite unapologetic in its determination to be optimistic.”

The band playing the Winery this week is the exact same one that formed in 1988; all five original members (with frontman Mike Edwards, guitarist Jerry DeBorg, bassist Al Doughty and drummer Gen Matthews) are still aboard. They haven’t worked together continuously — Baker had a radio career, and Edwards became a physical trainer — but the band never broke up either.

“It’s quite incredible,” Baker says. “When I look at other bands, they may have members that have passed away, or musical differences may have shot them to pieces. It’s not like we never had our arguments or our disagreements. But one of the advantages of having the success we did very early, is that arguments that we did have, all happened within a year’s time. We had all those fights that would have split most bands apart. But because we were thrown right into the belly of the beast, it all happened in our first year. It was like a fast storm, and we all came out the other side. We’re so close and so used to each other by now, that there’s nothing we can do that would tear us apart again.”

The world is changing so quickly, especially in the field of in vitro fertilization. I know I have much to be thankful for, but I’m finding it a hard pill to swallow that many of our older parents are choosing to have another set of kids in their later years. My father, who is in his mid-60s, has just had twins with his third wife. His children are younger than mine.

I feel entirely replaced by his new family. Rather than being a present father and grandfather, he has nearly disappeared. I thank God that my mother is a proud and devoted grandmother to my children. In addition to his disappearing act, Dad has decided to leave all of his assets to his third wife and the twins. They call my kids their twins’ “cousins”!

A number of my friends also have a parent who has chosen to start their lives over in this way, including their mothers, who, in their later years, have had babies via surrogate. This is so painful. How do I, and the younger generations, overcome this feeling of abandonment? — Big Sister in California

Dear Sister: I can’t speak for the others, but you are blessed with a loving husband and two amazing children. A step in the right direction would be to concentrate on those blessings you have. You are lucky at your age to still have a living father.

Parents are free to live their own lives when their children reach adulthood. As you point out, what your father has done is not uncommon. Please, for your own sake, stop blaming him and embrace the life that you have.

Dear Abby: For 23 years, my sister was involved with a violent alcoholic and drug addict. It ultimately ended when he chose to take his own life a year and a half ago. Their union produced two children — a boy (17) and a girl (13).

Recently, at our grandma’s memorial service and family reunion, I overheard constant negative comments from my nephew about people drinking at the event, and how we shouldn’t, because his dad was an alcoholic. No one was belligerent or ill-mannered. I only overheard these comments; I did not engage with them. My question is, should we be tempering our drinking around my nephew? — Social Drinker in Tennessee

Dear Social Drinker: As long as the family can handle their alcohol consumption, there is no reason to change their behavior when your nephew is around. There is, however, a genetic predisposition to addiction in some families. This is why your niece and nephew should be warned (if they haven’t been already) that this might place them in jeopardy if they choose to experiment with it.

TO MY READERS: For those who celebrate Easter, I wish you all a meaningful and memorable day. Happy Easter, everyone. — LOVE, ABBY

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com

The 20-foot orange blossoms cascaded over the tranquil scene as they have done around this time since the early 1900s when Gardner started the tradition to, as the museum explains, “celebrate Spring, Easter and her birthday (April 14, 1840).”

The floral show will be on display through April 14. The museum recommends reserving tickets at GardnerMuseum.org.

“We got pretty insecure about (writing) while we were making the album,” Jack told the Herald. “Our fans have certain expectations of us and our sound.”

But instead of burying their emotions, the brothers laid everything out on “The Maybe Man.” The album has loads of that bubbly, bright pop stuff and plenty of dark, introspective moments (it’s no coincidence the guys love the Beach Boys). Six months after the album’s release, AJR are set to play its biggest tour ever, which includes April 4 and Aug. 3 stops at TD Garden.

“Now we’re writing songs about death and the loss of family,” Jack said. “That stuff is not as fun to jump around to. But at the end of the day, the lesson we keep learning is that our fans are growing with us. They’re not the same people they were five years ago when we made ‘Weak.’ They’re much more emotionally mature now. So, when we realized that we are growing at the same time as our fans, anything that feels genuine to us will feel genuine to them too.”

All this growth — artistic, emotional, professional — has come at a natural pace, which is very unnatural in the music business. As elementary and middle school kids, the three brothers started by busking (and tap dancing!) in New York City parks. Eventually, their talent for writing catchy originals in their Manhattan living room and the internet took over, pushing AJR to level up every year or two.

“Social media really helped us,” Ryan told the Herald. “But a lot of our social media success has come from being lucky. ‘World’s Smallest Violin’ is our biggest TikTok song. We did nothing to make that song a hit. That was the anime community that embraced it and then it blew up and became a number one song on Instagram. We just watched it happen. We just wrote the song, that’s all we did.”

Of course, writing the song is 99% of the work.

With “The Maybe Man,” that work has taken on a more dynamic and nuanced nature. At times, the LP is painfully, heartbreakingly autobiographical. Single “God is Really Real,” released on the day their dad died last July, begins with the lyrics: “My dad can’t get out of bed/There’s something in his lungs/I think that’s what the doctor said.” It’s unflinching and totally un-SpongeBob.

“We made a really difficult vow that we would write a lot of immediate songs,” Ryan said. “On past albums, if we went through a breakup or something, we would write a song about it two years later with hindsight. This was, our dad got sick and we wrote ‘God is Really Real’ the next day.”

“We said to each other, ‘This is what we have to do right now. This is the album we have to make,’” Ryan concluded.

AJR will make more happy songs for happy moments. But as the group prepares to play the biggest stages it’s ever played, as it rehearses for a tour with lasers and CGI and spectacle, AJR will take the full catalog of human emotions on the road, from songs about fans dancing until they’re dumb to mourning your biggest fan.

For tickets and details, visit ajrbrothers.com